Oh, such happy happy toast… **A BOAST ON TOAST**



I suppose you’ve heard of the sandwich press,

not to be confused with the printing press,

made to aptly impress and depress your toast,

not in the same as the dark and morose;

but, to make an impressive impression—

pressed and parcelled in the heart of your toast:

made with cheese, spaghetti, beans, left to roast.

I’d be surprised if you weren’t straight impressed

if not slightly stressed at the lack of mess

and tempted to take it to press o’er lunch.

You just might get the lasting impression

that your sandwich press be, “Sure as heaven,”

that your soul’s in a sandwich depression,

o’er the “lack” at your neighbour’s conventions.

So throw in some toast, don’t forget to boast

and host—serve that jolly toast coast to coast.


© Iain Sutherland, 2014.
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5 thoughts on “Oh, such happy happy toast… **A BOAST ON TOAST**

  1. Since I’m always hungry, this greatly appeals to me–your lighthearted, easy humor is a delightful respite this evening. And I do LOVE toast!!

      • If I have to “think” about something before it makes me laugh, that kinda defeats the purpose!! Hey, I googled you, got that pretty blue photo of yours that I’m still so crazy about–saved it to my desktop so that I can give it another relaxing ponder, and expect I’ll have a new poem for it/you before too long. Is this all okay? If not, just let me know!

  2. I love the humour of this poem. Alas, my own experience of these contraptions hasn’t been so happy.

    When I got married, I received not one, but two of these miracles of toast, supposedly the next best thing since sliced bread. While it would indeed be miraculous if these simple appliances had still been in operation nearly 15 years later, they in fact got shelved a lot sooner than that. Maybe I just lacked the basic skills in making these culinary delights: I found the cheese stuck to the sides of the press, so that the bread tore when I tried to prize the sandwiches out, and any sugary coating would always heat to the temperature of molten lava.

    It is indeed heartwarming to know that your experiences have been more joyful!

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